Dennis Harting asked:


It is always interesting to watch how society attempts to make people conform. Social conditioning is one of the most powerful motivators we encounter. The fact that most of it occurs without our knowledge is what makes it so effective. People will fight to defend their beliefs without even being aware of where those ideas came from. Unfortunately, the majority of us are nothing more than “products of our environment”. We rarely become something that we consciously chose. Rather, those who we spent the most time with influenced us into believing what we do.

When it comes to relationships and sex, society is clear on what it’s belief is. Heterosexual marriage is the accepted model. This is the best way to maintain order while ensuring the reproduction of the “village”. People who enter this state end up raising a family which carries the population forward. Also, married couples provide an overall stability to the community. They tend to settle down in an area while establishing some roots. The focus often shifts away from individual fulfillment to that of the family. It is a wonderful concept and appropriate in most situations.

However, there are a large number of people who are not designed for this lifestyle. Yet society fails to deliver the message that it is alright for one to find a lifestyle that is suitable to him or her. Many believe that if someone is not of this mold, then there must be something wrong. Yet, there are many different lifestyles for people to choose from. Of course, there is the choice of staying single. For a lot of people, this is the ideal way to live life. Some people are ********** or bisexual. Their preference strays a bit from the norm. Then there are those who prefer the “swinging” lifestyle. Monogamy is not something that works for them. These are just a few of the choices people can make when deciding what they want in life.

Part of living a rich life is making the choices that make you happy. Too many people allow others to make the decisions for them and wonder why they are not fulfilled. You are the only one who has to live your life. It is imperative that you select those things that coincide with your true nature.

Attempting to live a lifestyle that is not true to us will result in failure. We have heard of the man who leaves his wife for another man. He comes “out of the closet”. Afterwards, people wonder why he would do such a thing. The answer is that he simply was trying to live a lifestyle that did not fit him. Certainly he may not have known his sexual preference when he got married. Nevertheless, the pressures of our culture deter the investigation into what fits this individual. He was trained from a young age that he should get married and raise a family. That is the conditioning of society.

Naturally, this is not to imply that there is anything wrong with marriage or family. The point is that basically they are not for everyone. However, the judgments of others is another powerful weapon. People who fail to obey the cultural norm are belittled. For example, what is the opinion of people who engage in group ***. The majority of society looks down upon those people. They call them all kinds of names. Individuals who claim to be “open-minded” judge the daylights out of these people. Since they do not fit into the proper model, weapons are brought out in an attempt to make them conform. Naturally, violence is outlawed in the era so other tactics are utilized. The biggest is to let people know they “do not fit in”. This carries considerable pressure. We all want to be a part of something. Our humanness dictates this. Man (in the species sense) is a social animal. We are designed to interact with other people.

When seeking personal happiness, it is important that we choose a sexual/romantic situation that accommodates us. We need to give ourselves the freedom to make the proper choice. If being married and living in a monogamous relationship works for you, follow that path. However, if something else is more to your nature, it is best to follow that. A word of caution: it is often difficult to be true to your decision. There will be a number of people who will attempt to influence you. This will be done with the claim that they want you to be happy. Of course, they operate under the presumption that they know what is best for you. You are the only one who can make this decision.

Here’s is a common example. I once worked with a guy who knew that he was cut out for the swinger lifestyle. Throughout his dating career, he was in numerous long-term, monogamous relationships. He told me that he was not happy in those situations even though the women were wonderful. They were ideal candidates for married life. Unfortunately for them, he was not. After some research, he realized that another lifestyle fit him better. He consciously chose to pursue it. Until he met that “special” someone. She was ideal in all manners except that she was not interested in swinging. As you can guess, issues arose. We talked on a number of different occasions about this. In the end, he had to let her go. Neither of them would enjoy happiness engaging in the other’s lifestyle. Ultimately he did find someone who was pursuing the same interests as him. Today, they are very happy together.

In summary, be mindful of the choices you make with your life. Understand there was a lot of conditioning that influenced you. Society has a way of training us to behave in certain ways. Resist the temptation to go against your core. If another path sits better with you, follow it. Your happiness rests upon the decisions that you make. Even though those closest to you will have their opinions and judgments, they do not live your life. It is your responsibility to make live a rich and full life.



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john lewis asked:

The world today perceives the word lifestyle as a euphemistic connotation to the concept of swinging. This is due to the presence of lifestyle resorts that provide the reality of swinging in the form of clothing optional vacations and cruises.

Swinging is one of the reality in the present world with the global mindset now being quite receptive to the concept of swinging. The days when this term was a taboo one, are long gone. Lifestyle resorts have been responsible for this change by bringing out new vacation offers and ideas (all of which are centred on the activity of sensual experimentation).

However, there are also lifestyle oriented resorts that are family oriented and, therefore, seek to provide that good old family vacation but aided with all the modern and, therefore, luxurious amenities of life.

This duality has worked wonders and, therefore, both the types are receiving visitors in phenomenal numbers. The features that are given by lifestyle resorts that aim to take couples back to that colour garden being coined as Eden are based on this very aspect.

Hence, there are many themes that are laced into the otherwise stereotypical facilities. Every facility is, therefore, well known but also different and unknown at the same time. A good example would be a beach party.

All the conventional resorts offer beach parties with lots of food, drink and music. However, the difference (in the features given by the former type of lifestyle resorts) is visible in those dancing ***** bodies which are vested with enthusiastic and laughing faces. All these happen in starlit nights which make the atmosphere all the more sensuous.

Lifestyle is, therefore, given multiple perceptions all over the world in the form of sensuous and lavish resorts, different mindsets and also different modes and styles of living.

It would have be quite a pleasant surprise for Mr. Alfred Alder, the Austrian psychologist, upon finding the ways and means in which his coined word has been perceived.

The world is home to many wonderful and funny things but all of them are nevertheless the harbourers of the much needed element called happiness. Lifestyle resorts are one of those things and are, therefore, doing quite a good deed by bringing smiles on many faces.

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David Kamau asked:

There are many myths and misconceptions around swing lifestyles (or simply “swinging”). Just what is swinging about and who are the so so-called swingers?

Swinging can be defined as the act of sharing yourself and your spouse with another couple, or other couples, with the full knowledge of all involved. It is the participants of this lifestyle who are referred to as swingers.

There quite a few myths and misconception about swinging and swingers. One common misconception is that swinging is the definition of swinging as “wife swapping.” This definition is inaccurate in that it does not explain to explain the full range of sexual activities that swinging encompasses. It also gives the impression of a male-favored activity, which too is inaccurate as swinging involves full participation of both partners.

Another common misconception is that swingers are older couples who are bordering on being *********. The swing lifestyle is composed of people of all ages, including ordinary next-door types who exemplify marital happiness.

In fact, one of the requirements for people seeking to join a swinger’s group or party is that the couple must be reasonably happy in their marriage. The reason for this is that swinging should not be used as an escape from or alternative to an unhappy relationship.

Most people find it inconceivable that one would allow his/her partner to have casual *** with another person, stranger or not. But to swingers, this is an acceptable form of social recreation.

Swing lifestyles and activities are as broad and varied as are swingers. They include:

1. Soft swinging: Also known as soft swap, this is doing everything with another person except sexual ***********. Usually they will stop at the last minute and switch back to their original partner. At this point they might choose to have *** with their own partner in front of the other people. Most first-time swingers begin this way.

2. Open swinging: This is when the couples swap (know as full swap) and actually have sexual *********** in the same room or on the same bed. This includes threesomes, orgies, exhibitionism, voyeurism and anything in between.

3. Closed swinging: Usually a full swap, but sexual *********** takes place in separate rooms. This is for those who feel the need for more freedom or don’t like interruptions. This type of swing is mainly practiced by the more experienced couples, as a higher degree of trust is essential.

Why do they do it? Why would anyone want to be a swinger? Well, the reasons are as varied as the couples themselves.

One reason is the need to explore sexual fantasies without having to “cheat” on one’s partner. Maybe they just want variety in their *** lives, or good old fun. The couple may have married too young and never had a chance to “sow their wild oats.” And so on.

Does this mean that the couples never feel any jealousy? This is the biggest hurdle to overcome, especially in the beginning. Not all couples go through with it. A number of those who stick with it say that jealousy actually makes them even more sexually charged up, as well as creates deeper interest in their mates.

Some swingers claim that it is the actual giving or “letting go” in order to make the partner happy that is the essence of this lifestyle.

Obviously, not all couples can be swingers (this writer is not one) and this article is not about asking you to become one. As with anything else, swing lifestyles do carry certain liabilities and risks, which are subject of another article.

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Eddie Delgado asked:


A swinger’s lifestyle is not a lifestyle for everyone. It is not your typical relationship or choice. A swinger lifestyle for a married couple is something that has to be a mutual desire on both parts. It is a lifestyle where trust issues, jealousy issues and insecurity issues may not come into play. Therefore, respect, unselfishness, support and communications must always be a key factor in your relationship at all times. There is no room for confusion, instability or doubt because it can ruin your relationship.

If you finally decide this is a lifestyle for you, then this lifestyle should be an enrichment of your marriage and partnership. Everything must be discussed and agreed upon before the actual encounter. The discussion should be based on each of your individual fantasies, needs and desires. Communication is a key factor always. Be open to any questions and answers that may be brought up and be prepared to answer then truthfully. One of these questions may be, why do you want to swing? Take your time in answering. It takes time to become totally comfortable with the whole idea.  Always remember that pushing someone that you love into doing something that they are not comfortable with may cost you your marriage.

You should first, go to a swingers club. There is always less pressure in a social gathering where this lifestyle is totally acceptable. This is a much safer and less stressful way to “get your feet wet” with the lifestyle. Here you will see and talk to people who have your same ideals and fantasies. Your first visit may only be to watch couples engage in group ***.  It may take several months of “just watching” before you actually participate in the swinging. In any case, this experience will be extremely important for the newbie couple.

Just remember that swinging is a way of life, not just a fad.



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